I do also though want to be true to me and brave. I am determined this will last awhile, but not obsessed or consumed. If my fears are about what other people think, then I need to work through that. I am a writer. I think it was late fall. I was an undergraduate in college. The heavier the burden, the longer the weeping.
I want a commitment first. He is extremely smooth and charming. I found myself face down, in his lap, on my side, on my knees. He said you are mine. I am a writer. Where do his hands, his mouth take me? I feel so confused and unsure how to proceed. The damage reaches back much longer than one decade and stops today. He paced barefoot in his accident speech in his unzipped khaki pants. How did I forget? We begin our efforts with these disclosures of interactions with Thomas Sayers Ellis. I want to succeed at not being reduced to tears. And the way he was doing it was very aggressive. I have to be careful. In that workshop two things come to my mind. What could I feel? So, I pray for discernment, wisdom, the right balance of freedom and restraint. Reality becomes fantasy, and vice versa. The heavier the burden, the longer the weeping. Anytime I responded with any kind of praise or thanks, he would take the opportunity to be even more inappropriate. You know you have a nice ass. I bled and cleaned and shook. I have no room for errors in judgment, and I feel heavy with responsibility. We have such fun. I met Thomas in in a workshop with four or five other women poets. What do I do? I wonder if my fears are eroding things.
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